


Herring Pie

by zephalien



Series: community center paul [13]
Category: Broadchurch
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Dinner, Gen, M/M, Meddling, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Pining, Social Anxiety, Trans, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Transgender Alec Hardy, trans alec hardy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-19 06:14:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29746218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zephalien/pseuds/zephalien
Summary: Hardy and Ellie and Paul and Beth all have dinner together. Beth and Ellie have a lovely time meddling in their friends lives while both men are terrified by social interaction. I really like this chapter.
Relationships: Alec Hardy & Ellie Miller, Beth Latimer & Ellie Miller, Paul Coates & Beth Latimer, Paul Coates/Alec Hardy
Series: community center paul [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1598026
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16





	Herring Pie

It was Ellie who opened the door, but it was Alec Hardy's face that Paul's eyes immediately fell on. He looked panicked and warm. Hardy had oven mitts on and stood frozen next to the table holding a baking dish. The chilly air and Beth's hand on his elbow pushed him inside the doorstep. The movement shook him awake once again. 

"Hello, Ellie." He smiled his most friendly smile and kissed her cheek. "Lovely to see you. Thank you for inviting me."

When he looked up again, Hardy was no longer standing by the table and was nowhere to be found. Beth and Ellie were enthusiastically catching up near the door so he wandered nearer to the table to put down the dish he was holding. As he was pulling off his mittens, Hardy returned to the room. The oversized oven mitts and missing blazer gave him a softer look than he normally had. One of his shirt buttons was even undone. He's practically indecent, Paul thought as he hid his smile.

The ladies laughter punctuated the silence between Paul and Hardy and they both opened their mouths to speak at once prompted by the noise. 

"It's-" Hardy started.

"I-" Paul blurted. "Sorry, go on."

"No, you go ahead." Hardy's face looked strained, as if the conversation was a vice he was trapped in.

There was silence for another moment as Paul and Hardy met eyes, both uncertain of themselves.

"I've brought steamed asparagus. I hope that's ok." Paul muttered to Hardy's shoes.

"It's lovely that you could come." Hardy said at the same time then immediately flushed as he realized they had spoken at the same time once more.

"Sorry!" Paul was perturbed by the pink shade of Hardy's face.  
  
By some strange mercy, this was the moment that Ellie and Beth finally ceased their greetings. 

"Hi there, Alec!" Beth said cheerfully. Her cheeks were still pink from the cold or from the flush of warmth from the house and Ellie's arms. 

Hardy made a face upon hearing his own name but nodded to her as politely as he could manage. "Beth. Um. Paul."

There was a beat of silence then Ellie was smiling and talking again, covering for her more socially awkward companion. "I'm so glad we are finally doing this. I feel like it's been ages since I've seen anyone I don't work with."  
  
It's proof of Hardy's anxiety when he doesn't respond to the dig. Instead, he excused himself, still red-faced, back to the kitchen. Ellie followed him in calling something about settling in to Paul and Beth. 

"How are you doing then?" Ellie asked once he had reached, and seemingly bounced off of, the oven. Rotating around the kitchen for a moment, he turned back to her looking confused and angry simultaneously.

"What're you asking me that for?" Hardy replied. He reached to yank at his tie but it's not there so his hands went into his hair instead. 

"You look like you are going to leg it." She informed him. 

Hardy paced in the 4 foot space allowed to him in front of her. He looked at her very seriously, "Can I?"

She burst out in astonished laughter and grabbed a pot holder to toss at him. "What? No! Hardy, we have guests!" She said in an emphatically hushed voice.

Hardy rolled his eyes mournfully and started tossing the salad that was already tossed and ready. 

Ellie waited a long moment watching him. "Really. Are you going to be okay?"

Hardy swallowed a few times before simply nodding because his voice seemed to escape him for the moment. 

"I'll go in and get them started talking and you come in when you are ready. Okay?" She told him with a slight sternness.

He nodded again trying to quell the rising panic and listened as she returned to the table and then a few moments later the three burst out into laughter. He hoped she hadn't said anything about him. He knew Miller wasn't a mean person, but still he felt a fear of her judgement alongside the two guests. The window above the sink was close by enough to lean his forehead against and the cold soothed him while he took breath after breath timing them the way he was taught. 

"Oh, that looks lovely. Wow." Beth was the first one to speak when Hardy came out of the kitchen holding the large salad.

"Yes, it does look good. What is it?" Paul asked. He spoke in a much quieter voice almost hushed as if it was a church blessing. Hardy looked at him and then caught eyes for a moment before Hardy was fidgeting with the salad again. 

"It's a-a spinach salad with strawberry dressing. There's pistachios and cucumber in there too. I hope no one is allergic." He said, feeling like a mechanized man. His binder felt hot and tight but he willed his hands not to twitch to adjust it like he had so many times before. 

"I'm definitely not. Here hand it over please. I'm starving." Beth said cheerfully. 

"Oh, what have you been up to today?" Ellie asked. As Beth began talking, Ellie caught Hardy's eye and winked at him. It made him smile into his lap, a habit which always made him feel 12 years old. 

* * *

"And you!" Beth sipped her wine, waving her arms in Ellie's direction. "You pulled down your trousers and said for him to kiss your arse!"

"You didn't!" Paul laughed, despite believing this immediately. Ellie and Beth could both be so bold sometimes it shakes him. He fully believed she would do something so outrageous. Hardy laughed and shook his head, mouth open in a wide smile.

"I did!" Ellie snorted before catching her breath. "Oh my god, I can't believe you told that story. I'll never live it down."

"That man is probably still telling that story even though it was, oh lord, how long ago? My god, we are old." Beth leaned her head on one hand, also trying to catch her breath.

"Speak for yourself." Paul swiped his glass of water and wiggled his eyebrows at her while he sipped. 

Beth gasped dramatically. "Listen here you little shit. The years go by quicker than you think and then you will be my age and it won't be so funny. So, there."  
  
"Well, by then let's hope you have forgiven me." He told her, then his eyes flicked ever so quickly to where Hardy was sitting. His grin faltered but did not disappear. 

"As the most ancient one here, I'll just say that none of you will age with as much grace as I have." Hardy's low scottish burr was distinct enough to cut through the noise in the room and everyone looked briefly shocked that he had spoken before the group burst into laughter once more. Hardy felt a thrill in his chest at having said something humorous. 

"Gracefully? You almost dropped dead first year you were in town." Paul chortled. Ellie went quiet and Beth looked between all three of them at the table opening her mouth, presumably to diffuse the situation.

"How were you ever a vicar with such a terrible attitude?" Hardy jabbed back. His voice was slightly too harsh to be joking and he instantly wanted to retract his comment. It was clearly the wrong thing to say. Paul seemed to lose steam and then looked away.

"Being a crap one. That's how." He mumbled, eyes now burning in Hardy's direction.

"Hey, no." Beth reached for his arm. "That's not true."

He looked at her for a moment then softened. "Thank you. That's sweet."

"I'm always sweet." She replied, her eyes still darted from person to person, keeping watch.

"That's a laugh." Ellie chimed in, seizing the attention of the group with her winning smile.

"What, I am!" Beth called back and the tense moment was forgotten as the women laughed. 

Hardy tried to catch Paul's eye again to send him a silent apology but Paul's gaze didn't find his. Paul's eyes, instead, were trained intently on his plate. Hardy knew this was a bad idea.

Beth heaved a loud sigh and leaned back in her chair. "I'm exhausted. I need a bed."

"Don't fall asleep here, you muppet!" Ellie giggled.

"I'll need a wheelbarrow in order to get home." Beth said.

"Does that mean you two are off then?" Ellie asked pleasantly. 

"I think so. What about it, Paul? You ready to shove off?" Beth asked. All eyes were on Paul, who was still staring directly at his plate.   
  
"I need to hit the loo first." He said then abruptly exited the room.

Ellie and Beth both rose and Ellie began packing up the food to send leftovers home with Beth and Paul. Beth grabbed a few dishes off the table and followed Ellie into the kitchen.

Hardy sat at the table alone clenching his jaw with fists balled in his lap. Breathe in. 1 2 3 4. Hold. 1 2 3 4. Breath out. 1 2 3 4. 

He did 4 repetitions before standing and heading purposefully to the bathroom.

* * *

_Knock Knock Knock Knock_

"Paul?" Hardy spoke with care, using the most gentle voice he could manage.

"Just a minute." Paul called back. His voice sounded frantic and confirmed Hardy's suspicions.

"Paul, I know you are upset." Hardy said, silently begging for Paul to understand him completely just this once.

"I'm fine, *Alec*. I'm trying to take a piss here." Paul replied.

"You are not." Hardy leaned his forehead against the wood of the bathroom door.

"Why-" Paul voice was cut off by a choked sob, "Why a-are you ssssuch a dick sometimes?"

Hardy chuckled hopelessly. "I've no clue, if I'm honest."

There is silence behind the door so he tries again. "I say things sometimes and when the words come out it's like I don't even recognize it."

There was still only silence.

"I'm sorry for what I said at dinner." He said. The endeavor seemed hopeless as the silence stretched out between them much more vast than the simple door between them.

"I'm sorry I didn't come to dinner." Paul said finally. 

"I-" Hardy started surprised. He took a long deep breath, working up his nerve. "I missed seeing you."

"Me too." The small voice of Paul came back through the door. 

In that moment, Hardy let himself have the slightest amount of hope, despite himself.


End file.
